You'll need the following once SPORE is released.

1. A brick wall ( trust me these things come in handy )
2. An Xacto Knife ( can't live without one )
3. Band-aids ( in case you cut yourself with the Xacto )
4. Wallet ( for obvious reasons )
5. Cash ( this goes in the Wallet above )
6. Forklift ( you'll need this, trust me )
7. Case of Mnt. Dew - OR - Whatever beverage of choice you like ( for drinking )
8. Pizza rolls - OR - Whatever food item you like ( for eating )
9. Duct tape ( which works on everything except Ducts, that's rather odd don't you think ? )
10. Time ( you'll need a lot of this )
11. Towel ( you must allways know where this is at all times )
12. The HitchHikers Guide To The Galaxy ( don't leave anywhere without it )

Step # 1 - Getting SPORE ( the most important step )

Grab everything you can carry and head to the nearest store that has SPORE on the shelf. Curse yourself out as you arrived 3,465.12 nanoseconds too early or they stepped out to eat right before you arrived. Use the Duct tape over your mouth to keep young ears from hearing your naughty words. Once the store opens or the guy returns from eating, remove the Duct tape and give 'em a piece of your mind or two. Ask the guy if SPORE is there, if Mr. Pizza face stares at you blankly, punch the brick wall you brought with you repeatedly. Try to explain to him in small words what it is, if he still stares at you blankly, hit him over the head with the brick wall. Don't hit him with it too hard or you'll break his thick skull and will need the towel to mop up the mess. Once the light bulb goes on over the guys head, or candle, or match, or two sticks rubbing together. He will hand you your prize. You'll possibly hear angels sing and trumpets blare and all like that there. Hand over the money from your wallet to Mr. Pizza face and wait what seems like 75 years from him to ring it up right. While your waiting for him take time to look over the box, you may seen an unearthly glow emanating from the box, do not worry, this is perfectly natural, or just a really expensive special effect, those guys at Maxis are a bit weird. Note the system specs, if you're computer isn't up to snuff you may need to buy a few upgrades, do this now while Mr. Pizza face is still trying to figure out how the register works, also pick up the Prima guide if there is one, or if you feel you need one. This is where the forklift will come in handy as the Prima guide is like thicker then any Steven King book ever made, there's no way to lift it all by yourself, in fact 20 really strong guys couldn't lift the thing, good thing you have your forklift. About this time Mr. Pizza face should have figured out how to work the register, so now you can give him more cash for the new items you got if you needed them. If at anytime you drooled while looking over the box, wipe up the drool with your towel.

KAH-CHING ! Isn't the sound of money amazing, somehow it makes the world go around, not sure how, but it dose.

Race home with SPORE in your hands. Use your towel to fend off any people who ask if they can 'look' at the box. * WhaCha * "Back I say, back, this one is MINE !" don't act surprised when they look at you funny as you do this.

You now have SPORE, congratulations on completing Step # 1. Take a drink to celebrate.

Step # 2 - Opening the box ( hopefully without killing yourself )

Now that your home with SPORE in your hands, take time to smell the box, ahh, nothing like the New Game Scent, they should bottle it and sell it for big bucks, yes ? Or at least on eBay for a small fortune or something. I don't know. Depending on where you got the box at there may be plastic around the box, don't let this intimidate you, after all you have your handy dandy Xacto knife, remember. If you slice yourself too bad, use the towel for cleaning up the blood. Then apply band-aid. Take the Xacto in one hand and the box in the other, carefully remove the 3,465 layers of thin plastic wrap around the box without killing yourself or slicing open your hand that's holding the box still as you do this. If you do you know what to do then. Still here with us ? Okay, so far so good. If your no longer with us that's too bad, someone else will have your copy of SPORE. Next up the weird tape on the box flaps, DO NOT TRY TO REMOVE THIS TAPE BY HAND EVER, it'll ruin the box every time no matter how careful you are with it, and you do want to save the box, don't you ? It's good to save boxes of your conquests. Useing the Xacto again slice along the tape so you can open the flaps without actually removing the tape, thus persevering the box, in all it's glory for future generations to admire the craftsmanship that went into it, and you can show it off online by taking photos of it to rub it in other peoples faces "Ha Ha, I Got It First ! Woot ! So There ! In Yer Face !" people will probably kill you, so don't go overboard like that. If you do go overboard, use the towel to hide from the angry mob outside your door by putting it over you. Be careful opening the box flap as there may be a TON of cuepons inside the box ready to jump out at you to save you a bunch of money by switching to your auto insurance to Gieco and stuff like that there. Use the forklift to pile the cuepons in the corner. Depending on where you bought the game there might be, GASP ! Another box inside the box, how EVIL is that ? Be thankful if it's nothing more then a piece of cardboard holding the Jewel Case containing the CD / DVD whatever have you. In other cases it may be a DVD style case inside the box that contains the disks themselves. Whatever the case may be. Now if it is any of these, surprise surprise, here's some more layers of thin plastic to get rid of, again deal with these using the Xacto knife according to the guidelines above to avoid killing yourself or whatever, good thing you got band-aids just in case. While doing all this you may experience odd things happening to you and the room, don't worry it's just another special effect. After removing the 3,465 layers of thin plastic from the CD / DVD case you may be thwarted yet again by that magical tape that sticks far too good to everything that if you remove it it'll damage what it's stuck too no matter how carefully you try to remove it. Once again it's up to the trusty Xacto knife to cut the tape so you won't need to remove it at all. Remember to be careful. Now it's safe to open the CD / DVD case. That is if you really want to, there's a few more steps to go still.

You now have opened the boxes, congratulations on completing Step # 2, have another drink !

Step # 3 - Before you install the game ( sheesh you'd thought we were done, think again. )

If your computer is off turn it on now, if it's already on you're ahead of everyone else so wait for them to get caught up. Get rid of all the junk on your computer that you don't use anymore, old files, letter to Aunt Bertha, games that haven't been played in a goat's age or two, I'm looking at you DOOM 1, yer outta here, you haven't worked anyways after Windows 95. Once you cleaned house so to speak, see how much room is on your hard drive now, don't worry we'll still be hear when you return from looking. Not enough room ? Keep cleaning house 'till there is, you don't really need all those old E-mails do you, boot, out the door with the lot of ya'. After awhile you should see plenty of room for SPORE and all it's files, oh wait you do want to save stuff from it to your hard drive don't you, if not get some floppies, they should be able to save files to them even in this day and age.

There, step #3 done, give yourself another drink in celebration.

Step # 4 - Installing SPORE ( about time we got to this step )

Some games require you to defrag the drive you're installing the game to beforehand, do so now if it needs it after cleaning house on your computer. You may also want to run Scandisk as well while your at it. If you have scandisk that is. Okay still with us ? Next open the CD / DVD case. Again angels sing, there's an unearthly glow, yadda yadda yadda, it's just an effect, don't worry. While the game installs read the manual, yes that little tiny thin book that came with the game and why you had to buy a Prima guide as that little book don't have a whole lot in it, read all 42 pages of it forwards and backwards and upside down even, by the time your done the game will have installed onto your hard drive. Note on page 42 there is a secret message from Maxis.

You did step # 4, go have a few drinks and eat some food, you've earned it !

Step # 5 - Playing SPORE ( the last step )

Now play SPORE as best as you can. ( May need to refer to the Prima guide from time to time, keep it close by )

What to say to Mr. Pizza face at the store if he stares at you blankly when you ask if they have SPORE there....

If your male you can try and use the following lines to get the game....

"It's a game your selling, see all these banners and posters in the store all over the place ?"

"It's a game where you start off as a single-cell life form, not that different from your own brain."

"It's a game about making weird creatures that come from MOST people's imagination."

"Look pin-head I didn't spend 5 years waiting for this to put up with you, now give me the !@#$%^&* game already !"

"I HAVE A BRICK WALL AND I'M NOT AFRAID TO USE IT ON YOUR POINTY LITTLE HEAD !"

If your Female you can try to use the following lines to get the game....

"I'll give you my phone number if you let my have the game shookie wookie ums."

"I'll go out on a date with you if you let me have the game puddin."

"You are as dumb as you look, now give me the game before I hurt you in ways you never even dreamed of."

"Look pin-head I didn't spend 5 years waiting for this to put up with you, now give me the !@#$%^&* game already !"

"I HAVE A BRICK WALL AND I'M NOT AFRAID TO USE IT ON YOUR POINTY LITTLE HEAD !"

If your a mutant.... Just eat him and get the game yourself

- CHAPTER TWO -

The Restaurant At The End Of The Universe.

You start life as a happy little single cell life form, you goal divide and conquer. You do this by eating things you can and avoid things that'll eat you. Too bad you don't have thumbs or a backbone, you could certainly use a towel to hide behind from things that want to eat you. That's life when you're on the menu at Milliway's, The Restaurant At The End Of The Universe.

If you survive from being the next course on the menu from higher life forms you've earned some life points to evolve higher up the food chain. The All Powerful, All Knowing, All Seeing Editor now comes into play for the first time ever. The universe is full of choices to make, and this is the first, offense or defense, do you want to be able to eat what was trying to eat you or just fight it away.

No matter what you choose, remember there's always a bigger fish that'll want to eat you anyway, at least at this point in the game. Your creature should now have a backbone or something pretty close to one, a structure of some kind to it now, higher life forms call this "The Crunchy Bits" for a chocolates called Crunchy Critters [tm] it's best to avoid that fate if you can.

You keep at this for awhile eating, editing, eating, editing and so forth and so on.

UNTIL.........

You lay an egg, now you can be a fish, yea. Eat everything that was eating you at this point as you're now too big to be eaten by the tiny cell like critters that were trying to eat you before. Take that and that and some of that, how you like that, and that as well. However now you have to be worry about someone fishing you out of the river and eating you or putting you in a bowl.

After awhile if you survive this round you lay another egg, it's time to move onto dry land. Once on dry land you will be giving several things you need to survive this harsh environment. 1. A digital watch ( so you'll know what time it is. ) 2. A towel ( Keep this close to you at all times. ) 3. Fingers ( to operate the watch and to hold the towel of course ) 4. Smarts ( to understand things ) 5. The HitchHikers Guide To Spore ( which will help you so that you "Don't Panic" at this point in your life )

You now have left the seafood menu and now have joined the land based menu. Ot oh. There are now all kinds of critters that want your hide now, use the towel plus your smarts to avoid them as best as you can. Again eat what you can so you can lay another egg and get higher up on the food chain by being smarter and stronger then whatever is after you now.

Somewhere around here you may find others of your kind, heard together. ( greater survival in numbers yanno ) You may also want to seek out a member of the opposite sex and procreate with them. This is what the guide has to say about sex. There sure is a lot of it in the universe. It's the number one activity, number two being survival itself, number three being how nifty folks think digital watches are. For more about sex see Chapters 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, and the rest of The Guide for that matter.

Once you make a hut to live in you have pretty much gotten yourself off the Menu at Milliway's.

- Chapter Three -

- Section One - Life -

Grouping together for survival is important to keep things at bay, your group will be small to start with, like a family, after awhile your group will go from family to tribe.

Going Tribal and maintaining that status is a good thing in the short run, however it's even better to go city, as you'll get better protection from other competing tribes to remain at the top of your game.

We built SimCity, we built SimCity on bits and bytes.

Now that you have a city you may have noticed other cities popping up on the planet, will you make peace w/ your neighbors or war w/ them ?

All we are saying is give peace a chance.

If you use peace you may get trade w/ the other cities thus giving you access to better tech or more resources if you are running low.

War is heck.

Of course you could just take the tech and resources by force if you wish to do so, wipe them out thus installing fear in the next city you come across who may surrender if you show them you mean business.

Onward and upward.

Once you establish control over the entire planet you can build a spaceship, to boldly go where no one has gone before, well, unless someone beat you to the punch that is.

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